Being Comfortable in Your Own Skin

  Near the end of elementary school I won the worst prize in my life: a pair of glasses straps/cords.  My friends told me they were cool, but they were not.  I had two different kinds: a red pair with basketballs and a green pair with soccer balls; I wore them at the front end of my glasses.  They were a part of my every day appearance until the beginning of middle school when I became an easy target to be made fun of and picked on.  I had glasses, braces, glasses straps, acne, and was pretty nerdy and quirky, not the greatest combination to become cool and the most popular in your school!
  Why do I start there?  For a lot of my life I’ve felt uncomfortable in my own skin.  It's kind of a weird phrase when you think about it.  It implies that you are something more than what others can see on the outside, your skin.  I was made fun of and picked on in elementary school and middle school. In first grade I even tried to change my name to Joe because I thought it was more manly than Kevin.  I had friends throughout school, but they were often more ruthless than encouraging.  I struggled through middle school (as probably most kids do), but it wasn't until sophomore year of high school I started to define myself.
  Sophomore year I tried out football, wrestling, acting, jazz band, and youth group at church.  And most importantly I grew a goatee.  I am 36 years old now and for the last 20 years I have not seen my chin.
  As I grew older I still struggled with friendships and self-confidence.  In college I had a great group of friends: Chad, Mike, Drew, Luke, Tim, and others.  My roommate Chad, was larger than life.  Always the life of the party, hilarious, witty, everyone wanted to be around him.  We had a band together and the phrase "just a bass player" was a running joke we had to talk about how the bass player (me) was often seen as just a nobody or unimportant in bands.  All of that made me feel small and I wished for a different personality.
  At Seminary, my scholarship put me into a group of six men for the entire three years of school.  These men (Matt, Doug, Jeff, Dave, and Josh) have become lifelong friends.  I love them and am so glad to have them in my life.  But to be completely honest, in seminary I felt inferior to them.  They were so much smarter than me, bigger personalities, doing more, and just better.  Even my mentor and friend Mark Hallock, for as encouraging as he is, just being around him made me feel inadequate.  He is someone I still to this day respect and love to see how God continues to use him in gigantic ways.  I'm pretty sure books will be written about him someday.
  There were some great uplifting moments in my life along the way.  Getting married to my amazing wife after college, my first job as a youth pastor, being hired at Lighthouse for adult ministries, being unanimously voted in at Lighthouse as the Lead Pastor, and many, many other events.
  However, the most harmful and confidence stealing event came in the summer of 2018.  I won't get into all the details here of what happened, but I was basically almost fired, berated publicly, and accused wrongfully of misappropriation of funds and deception.  I cried a lot that year and the following.  I doubted my calling.  I doubted if I should stay at Lighthouse.  Depression has always been an issue for me, but that year span was tough.
  Through a number of different circumstances, God is doing a work in me lately to give me more confidence, boldness, and to allow me to be comfortable in who I am.  Even doing this blog and a podcast is not easy for me. It feels vulnerable; too much exposure to who I really am.  Tom, my coach, has been a huge help in this area.  My wife is a constant encouragement.  My kids love me and long to be around me.  I have a new routine in the morning of reading books, coffee, and light.  I'm enjoying my hobbies (gardening, reading, coffee, drawing).  I'm putting myself out there with a blog, podcast, facebook live posts, preaching, and other things.
  Where are you at in your own skin?  Do you feel comfortable?  Out of place?  Miserable?  Wishing to be someone else?  How has God uniquely made you?  Your personality, your body, your talents, your gifts, your hobbies, etc.  I pray that you will begin to not just feel, but to be comfortable in the skin that God has given you.